On Retirement and the Pursuit of Happiness

As of July 11, 2019, I am a retiree. Our plan is to move to Portugal in about a month. We consider this the right course: the cost of living, the liberty to leave some things behind, and the pursuit of new experiences. Though busy with the planning, now endowed with extra time, I am free to absorb more and more insanity-inducing news – more and more Trump. Before we go, I feel the need to clear my mind and make this declaration: to list the causes that impel this separation.

"So interesting to see 'Progressive' Democrat Congresswomen, who originally came from countries whose governments are a complete and total catastrophe, the worst, most corrupt and inept anywhere in the world (if they even have a functioning government at all), now loudly and viciously telling the people of the United States, the greatest and most powerful Nation on earth, how our government is to be run. Why don't they go back and help fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which they came." (Donald Trump, July 14, 2019)

Three days after retiring, our President tweeted this, and the internet and the news media, rightfully, went nuts. Targeted at four Congresswomen of color, he proceeded to tell them they should leave: "go back to where you came from". Every non-European in American knows that dictate. Having moved at a young age from Wisconsin, I heard it growing up in the South during the the Vietnam War era: "go back to China". Of course, I'm not from China, I'm from Madison. As Rep. Ocasio-Cortez is from Brooklyn, as Rep. Omar is from Minneapolis, as Rep. Pressley is from Boston, and as Rep. Tlaib is from Detroit.

"Our Country is Free, Beautiful and Very Successful. If you hate our Country, or if you're not happy here, you can leave." (Donald Trump, July 16, 2019)

Donna and I are very lucky that our beginnings included the right ingredients: born into reasonable circumstances, well educated, successful careers, good health. We stay the strait and narrow, and save. For all these things we are appreciative of this remarkable country, as we are grateful for the support of our families, friends, colleagues. We are natural-born citizens, and we are the products of unexceptional American life-stories. America is our home, first Boston and now Berkeley; it's our proud answer to "where are you from". We leave our labors and our lives, and believe we've been able to return some quantity of what we've received. America can be a truly hopeful place.

But, I can flash back to a time when my family home is persistently vandalized, when our belongings are repeatedly damaged. I can anticipate the school-yard bullies gathering, the taunts and the fights. I can see the angry face of a classmate swearing I am not human because I am not white – it's a time of cruelty and futility. From there, I can flash forward to boarding school in New England, where I am able to focus on school subjects and activities; the bullies and my anger fade, and I am able to learn and grow. Nowadays, I just stay away from the South, and as much as possible from bullies. America can be a truly deplorable place.

"Send her back!" (crowd at Trump rally in Greenville, NC, July 17, 2019)

We the People – they are the first. three. words. scribed large for posterity – this government derives its just powers from the consent of the governed. The President is not defending the Constitution if he infringes the first. three. words. 

The President's tweets ordain him as a tyrant; his buzzwords establish this abysmal behavior. It's a nearly perfect lesson in fascism: how a racist tweet becomes a mob's rallying cry, then a verbal weapon used to harass and humiliate. The President's primary skill – his super-power – his ability to make a few people feel good about making others feel bad.

At the same time as these Trump tantrums, the nation is celebrating the fiftieth anniversary of the moon landing. We reminisce about our country responding to a unique cold-war challenge with audacity, creativity, unity, and stunning productivity. Apollo 11's history includes this wonderful contradiction: despite the initial political motivation, it was an inspirational achievement shared with the world. This history is concurrent with my childhood, after the summer of 1969, when I was beaten and blamed by other school children for the Vietnam War. The best and worst times are, perhaps, always entwined.

"They need to go back to their country." (clerk, referring to 15-year old Latina customers, at Bucky's Convenience Store in Naperville, IL, July 18, 2019)

We are retiring to find joy, our unalienable right to pursue happiness. We want to leave our careers and life stresses, and follow our interests in art and architecture, food and travel. We could explore these things in the US, but for me, the country is again a land of bullies, of taunts and chants. This anxiety defies description, but is the exactly the kind dealt by my childhood bullies: this place is mine not yours, who the hell are you?

As a nation, we no longer, collectively, hold these truths. If we are all created equal, we should treat each other as equals. No citizen, especially the President, should ever direct another to leave, or tell them they don't count, that they are less. He displays not the slightest understanding of the words in our foundational documents, or even his own personal and family history.

I am old now, else I might more actively try to fight this. Our past is full of political activism, working on political campaigns, protesting in our town square. In the wake of Trump's 2016 win, a big part of me is still damaged. I cannot watch another. Time is not a renewable resource. I can't 'go back', so I'm going forward.

I am not happy here. I am leaving.